Random Acts
by silkendreammaid
Summary: Roy has a problem and believes Edward may be able to help. Act 2: Singing In The Rain.
1. How To Win Friends and Influence People

**Random Acts**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

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**Act 1: How To Win Friends And Influence People**

"You like men, don't you Fullmetal?"

Edward looked up at the General. His eyes looked confused but his voice was even as he replied, " yeah."

"What's it like?"

"Huh?" Edward blinked. The dark haired man was looking at him with a completely serious expression on his face and Edward could see no trace of any teasing or twisted joke just lying in wait for his reply. The bastard wasn't even smirking.

"I asked you what it was like." Mustang repeated his question and Edward straightened up from his reclining position on the couch.

"It's probably the same way you feel with women," Edward managed to say. "Only with men."

"But the anatomies are the same, the whole process would be different."

Edward's eyebrow rose. "It doesn't matter if his body is like mine, it's still two people enjoying those bodies." He narrowed his eyes slightly. "You do realise that sex is as much for pleasure as it is for release, don't you?"

"I am well versed in sex and its uses, Edward." Mustang leant back in his chair.

"Then why ask? It's sex, it's fun and enjoyable. I just prefer my sex to be with men." Edward shook his head slightly, his eyes almost rolling at how pointless this conversation appeared to be.

"But what about the times when you're not having sex?" Mustang asked and Edward stared at him. "The mornings after or going to dinner or out."

"Why are you asking?" Edward turned around and sat up properly, placing his feet on the floor and his book on the cushion beside him. "You've never bothered with any of this before. Hell, when you found out, all you said was 'don't break anything' and that it was not covered by my expense account. That was six months ago and you're only just asking _now?_ What's really going on here, bastard?"

Mustang paused for a moment and then let his breath out. "Women bore me lately." He met the startled golden eyes. "I'm finding them to be tiresome and annoying."

"And because of that you're asking me about _men?_" Edward nearly gaped at him as he tried to understand. "Women are boring so you think you'll try men for a change? Is that what this is?"

"No!" Mustang sat up. "No, of course not. I was just... curious." The initial strength of his denial had faded by the time he finished speaking and Edward's expression was one of disbelief.

"Oh really?" he queried. "It doesn't sound like it to me. Were you looking for me to introduce you to someone to satisfy this 'curiousity' of yours?" Edward stood up, his disbelief turning into contempt.

"No!" Mustang leant forward, his hands open. "If I had wanted to do that, I would have just asked you..." He never got to finish his sentence as Edward clapped his hands together hard and began to stalk over to the large desk.

"_You would have just asked me_?" Edward glared at the man as blue sparks flared from his clasped hands. "Just how arrogant can you get? You're an egotistical asshole and if this is how you behave with women it's no wonder they no longer interest you! You don't need women, or even men for that matter. What you want is someone just like you, because sure as fuck, no-one else could stand _you_!"

"Ed..." was all that could be heard before Edward's hands landed squarely on the desk and the rest was lost in the resultant flare and crash of alchemy.

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Edward Elric stormed out of the General's office, smoke and dust following him out through the door. Hawkeye and Havoc exchanged looks and then simultaneously got out of their chairs and went to the door. They stood there and after a long look they turned away and went back to their desks.

General Roy Mustang watched them go with a muffled protest. The wooden hand across his mouth effectively gagged him and he couldn't move his hands to snap his fingers, or even to draw a circle, to free himself. Edward had made sure he was completely imprisoned by the twisted sculpture that had been his desk. It was the other hands Ed had added, that grabbed at places he found rather embarrassing as well the face - _his own face _- that leered woodenly at him that had him wondering if maybe he should have found someone else to ask after all.

But then he'd never have realised that Edward really was very attractive when he was _that_ angry. Nor how inventive he could be as he looked again at the hands gripping him. He supposed he should be grateful Ed had at least left his clothes intact.

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Author's Note: I'm at work, trying to give everyone else this flu of mine and this bunny decided to appear ... while it wasn't the bunny I was hoping for - after the last few weeks I'll take all the bunnies I can get...

As is obvious, this is random and pointless and will be randomly and pointlessly updated... I have no idea if it intends to follow a vague plot or become a set of one shots... only the bunnies know

silken :)


	2. Singing In The Rain

**Random Acts**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor ever will, Fullmetal Alchemist or the characters within.

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**Act 2: Singing In The Rain**

Edward stood on the wide steps of Central Headquarters looking out down the wide wet boulevard. He leant against one of the large marble pillars and watched the rain. It moved in long lines across the wet asphalt and pavement alike, blown by the wind in sinuous waves. He could smell the moisture and even felt the occasional sprinkling as the wind seemed to play with the falling water.

He looked up at the dark sky and knew he couldn't stay here. He had to get to the Library. The nice warm and dry Library. Ed smiled slightly as he stepped into the rain and felt the wind tug at his thick coat. He wouldn't admit it, but he did enjoy this kind of weather. And all the more so when he knew there was a dry haven awaiting for him.

He was not impressed when an umbrella suddenly disconnected him from the rain. He looked up and saw the dark eyes of General Mustang and sighed.

"What are you doing, bastard?"

"I am simply holding an umbrella, Fullmetal, and stopping you from getting any wetter." The General's voice was calm and there was a smirk lurking at the corner of his mouth. Edward could sense it.

"It's unlike you to be so helpful," Ed said bluntly. "What do you want?"

"Is it so hard to believe I am merely looking after the health of my subordinate? Walking in this rain could lead to all sorts of sicknesses."

Edward stopped walking and stared hard at the slightly taller man. "That is so hard to believe, it's unbelievable." His voice was flat and unimpressed and the General frowned with a slightly depreciating manner.

"I may have been a bit inconsiderate the other day," he said without looking at Edward and Edward's eyebrows rose.

"A bit?" Edward queried sarcastically and he could have sworn he saw a line of pink flash across the General's nose. "Hawkeye spoke to you, didn't she." And it may have been phrased as a question, but there was no question there and they both knew it.

"She might have mentioned something," Mustang murmured, trying hard for a casual sounding tone. Ed grinned. Hawkeye must have been extra forceful if the General was trying this hard, he thought. Getting Mustang to go out and apologise to a subordinate - in the rain, no less, was something only Hawkeye could accomplish. Although to call what Mustang was saying an 'apology' might be stretching the definition. This was one of those occasions when actions spoke louder than words, and Ed was surprised to find himself appreciating Mustang's effort. But that wasn't going to stop him.

"I see. So, you say you _may _have been inconsiderate. Is that because you can't decide if you were or not? Or because you don't think you were and you're just trying appease Hawkeye? Or me?" Edward crossed his arms across his chest and leant back slightly, golden eyes scrutinising the taller man.

"Why would you think I would do that?" Mustang tilted his head. "I do not need to appease you, Fullmetal."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "And why not?"

Mustang sighed. "I fail to see why you're making this difficult. I was not the one who lost his temper and lashed out because of a simple misunderstanding..."

"A simple misunderstanding? You said that you'd just ask me if you wanted to satisfy your curiousity." Edward kept his voice even but his eyes were beginning to glare. "I don't perform to satisfy_ anyone's _curiousity."

"I didn't mean it quite like that," Mustang replied.

"Really? That's what it sounded like to me."

"I was merely thinking of you as a source of information," Mustang met the glaring eyes. "And the office would be a highly inappropriate place to engage in such activities anyway."

Edward's face shifted as several different emotions flashed through him. He had to close his eyes and grind his teeth as he fought against the impending loss of his temper.

"I don't see why you would think I would be interested in you that way." Mustang's voice with it's puzzled innocence struck Edward as the most arrogant sound he had ever heard and he gave up fighting himself. Up until now Edward had not been interested in the General _that way _at all. To hear that he assumed Edward _did_ like him that way was just too much.

"Of course you don't. Your arrogance is simply outstanding. Well, forgive a _mere source of information_ for being human!" Ed's hands rose and met and Mustang opened his mouth to protest. It was drowned out by the flare and crackle of alchemy.

General Roy Mustang found himself standing chin deep in water. He looked around him. Straight smooth walls surrounded him and he looked up. Just over a foot above his head he saw Edward looking down at him and realised the angry blond had constructed a well right under his feet and dropped him into it.

"Hawkeye would be very upset with me if I did anything permanent to you," Edward said almost conversationally. "And just so we both know; I can't think of any reason I would like you that way either. Frankly Mustang, you're just not my type."

Mustang blinked at the absolute conviction in Edward's voice and frowned. He had been knocked back even before he had even started. Not that he had been going to start anything, of course. But it stung. Edward waved down at him.

"See you later bastard," and Edward's head disappeared from Mustang's view.

"Edward?" He called and heard his voice echo. There was no reply. "Edward? Fullmetal? Edward!" His voice rose as no golden head reappeared. "Edward Elric! _Get your short ass back here!" _

Edward Elric walked away, hearing the General's shouts and insults getting louder and more inventive. He turned back for a moment and saw people giving the hole a wide berth. He smirked. The General was going to be stuck there for quite some time unless he changed his tune. Edward grinned and turned away, heading to the Library.

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Author's Note: There are no excuses for this one... I'm at work and supposed to be doing payroll, they've left me alone for half an hour, it's raining outside and I want to go home to a waiting monster... who could refuse a bunny under those circumstances?

silken :)


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